Say My Name, Say My Name

Names haunt me. Sometimes more than the story itself. Names of characters, places, the book! All of it is important because these names are what readers cling to. They need a name to put the description to. They need a name to mention when talking about the book. A name ties it all together. Sure you could throw any old Tom, Dick and Harry name in there, but how boring would it be if every book had those same names over and over? Especially if Tom is a vampire, Dick is a shapeshifter and Harry is short for Harriet who is in love with both. I would definitely say that Harry should be the shapeshifter just for the comedy effect, but that's me. These god forsaken names ruin my days sometimes. Why? Because if the name doesnt fit then every time someone says it, or even when I think of it, it stifles something in me. A bad name choice can utterly ruin any interest I have in this person, place or all around book itself. Yes, a writer shouldnt dwell on a name so much because ultimately you can change it. But, sometimes, and only sometimes, the name helps you find out something you never knew before when it was just (city) or (pretty girl). I named a character Kaige. Silly, I know, took the word cage added an 'i' and swapped the 'c' for a 'k' and suddenly this inanimate object is now a sex kitten. What I didnt know when choosing this name, was how perfect it really is for her. She is a succubus who lives a life stifled by her urges, by her need to find the perfect mate. She is literally caged by her desires to the point where she has almost no free will. She may walk around and feel as though she is free to make her choices but at the end of the day she has to feed her demon or else die. Aren't we all caged in some way though? Some are just harder to see than others. 

The Early Bird Does Not Always Catch the Worm

At any given time there is a story, back story, and a shit ton of one liners floating around somewhere in my brain. I write them all down in hopes of organizing it but sometimes that just makes me more confused. Linking one odd idea to another is not always as easy as I would hope. You would think that if its in the same story I would know how to goes together. Alas, even my mind is not that maddened. Writing a story is like trying to take a crazy persons babble and forming coherent arguments out of it, its just not done. Yet, somehow it is and once you get into the flow of things all of it seems to fall so perfectly into place. Almost as if to say 'My god its so simple, how did I not see that before?' I dont do mornings. I hate waking up early, even if I do feel so accomplished by midday. When I force myself to wake up early and go to bed early I feel as though my writing suffers. My creativity is stifled by a schedule. I dont get paid for this, not really. I'm not on deadlines or under any contracts so in all honesty I can let my creativity rule me. Unlike professional writers who are led around by their publishers and forced into time contraints, I am under no pressure to complete my work, except for the characters rattling around in my brain telling me to do so. They come alive at night, with soft melodic music, usually sung my Maynard or Trent, and everything just happens.

...and you could have it all, my empire of dirt...

October Got No Love

Its true. I love October. Its the month in which my husband was born, my oldest brother, my adorable pup Bishop and of course Halloween! Its a great month and I am always excited at its arrival. I guess maybe that is why it did not get many posts because I was too busy enjoying it! Thankfully I am getting November in before it was too late. I will definitely be trying to post tomorrow to at least do it some justice. But have no doubt December, my birthday month, will be the hot money month! I will strive for at least a week worth of posts on top of some additional's throughout. I've also taken it upon myself to help out fellow writers and review their work for free. Giving not only opinion but also proper editing. It's nice to read other people's work and see their techniques blossom. I also like having a hand in helping them get better at their work just like others have done with me. Once again I am sorry October that I was so busy enjoying you that I didn't even stop to say how much I love thee. There's always next year!

Backstory is a Bitch!

While editing and adding details to 'Technicolor' I remember writing some of the back story for Leo and Linea. When first writing 'Black & White' I hadn't had any feelings towards Linea, Leo or Lina, so I could write freely. But, for those who have already read it, you know how things progress and what we discover about Linea. Upon entering 'Technicolor' though I found myself needing to delve deeper into Leo's past and that included him meeting Linea. Can I just say, that I hate this bitch? Trying to see her through his eyes back then is the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do. He is meant to be infatuated with her, to be seeing her with desire for the first time. And all I can think is 'This bitch will do nothing but hurt you the moment you let her.' I don't know how most people do this, write about people they already know are just shitty on the inside. I had to do it though, and I had to do it right. It wouldn't be fair to put my bias opinion into Leo's view of Linea. He did love her, part of him always will and it needed to be shown that she was his first love. I hope when the time comes that people can see this, but I'm sure also that if they are like me, they will love Lina and hate the back story of Linea and Leo as much as I do (and not because of my writing).

The Perfect Drug

A lot of people talk of finding their true love and having soul mates and all of that, but I wonder how many ever truly mean it.

I know that the greatest moment of happiness I ever feel is not when I kiss my husband, or make love, or any of those sexual based actions. I know that for me, when I curl up inside of his arms and as they wrap around me I bury my head into his chest and soak up his scent and his body warmth, a feeling of calm falls over me. A feeling of oneness, that- this is where I have always meant to be, this is my home. When I am pulled tight and feel how he clings to me, as his lips kiss my head and he breathes in the scent from my hair, I know that he is feeling the same as I am. That we walk through life only half of the person we should be and that until we come home at the end of the day and curl up in the arms of the one we love we never know what it means to be complete, what it means to be truly happy. When you find that perfect spot in the world, with the perfect person, everything everything falls into place but you wont even notice it because it all pales in comparison to the person you love and knowing that they are yours till the very end.

Every Little Bit Counts

I grumble and gripe that I haven't lost much weight and I dont see a difference. Every day I weigh myself and every week I measure. There is a decrease in both but for some reason I hope to see this miracle drop of inches and fat around my middle. I've lost roughly and inch all around my body and 10lbs since my horrible gain back in April. I know these results are good but its just so hard to stay positive when day in and day out I work so hard to watch the foods I eat and try to exercise and see so little happen. I know I haven't gotten a lot of exercise in lately, mostly because I came down with the flu and trust me I would have much preferred to been running this week than holed up in my apartment like some sort of quarantine science experiment gone horribly wrong. There is exactly three months till my birthday and I am only half way to my goal of being skinny once more! I haven't been under 125lb since about the age of 20. I know this because I gained quite a bit of weight while visiting my in-laws and working at Urban Organic which all ventured over the later half of my 20th year into my 21st and I left right before my 22nd. Leaving that place I was at a high of 142lb. So there is something to be happy for, yay me. I just know I wont be able to lose another 10lbs in three months. It took me five just to lose this, barely, and the closer you get to your goal the harder it is because soon you plateau. I just know I'm going to plateau soon, maybe too soon, perhaps even within the next 3lbs. I keep telling myself that I will be content just to reach 130lbs again but I know I will still gripe at myself on the inside if I never reach 125lb. Here's to hoping that the next twelve weeks will be good ones! Oh god, here come the holidays!

Sailor Moon Obsession

I have finished almost four out of the five seasons of Sailor Moon. While I do enjoy parts of the show, mostly Usagi and Mamaro, there is one issue throughout that always irked me. This is a very inspiring show for young girls. Usagi is thirteen when she first becomes a Sailor soldier and in the later seasons when her daughter Chibi-Usa comes from the future shes only about 5 or 6 years old and is also very brave and inspiring for girls. They may act childish at times and be silly girls worrying about makeup, and parties, but when it comes down to it they protect innocents and never give in. That is an amazing message to send out to girls.

The one BIG flaw I found that they sneak in little by little every here and there but can be incredibly harmful to young girls? Everytime they tell Usagi she's getting fat.

Now with this being a cartoon its hard to tell a difference in size, unless they really want you to. But from what can be seen Usagi is a very average looking girl and doesnt look overweight or even different in size than the other Sailor Soldiers. In one specific episode, Mamaro her boyfriend, in the persona of Tuxedo Mask catches her and tells her shes gained weight. You save your girlfriend from falling and all you can say is you put on some weight? This is her future husband insulting her! Another episode has her and the girls trying out for ballet. They make a point of Usagi lifting her leg and showing her side roll slightly-Heaven forbid the girl gets a curve! Later in this same episode the villain tries to kill her in a tutu that her 'fat' helps break off of her. Once the foe is defeated Tuxedo Mask tells her she should go on a diet. What does this have to do with her fighting skills? She is his future queen and mother of his child and he dwells on her eating too many sweets?

For all its inspiring and strong woman/female characters this one factor is a very big flaw. As a teen who had weight issues that have developed into adulthood I feel things like this should be corrected as we go. We worry over being politically correct but not messages we can send out to the children of the world. I am aware this is a cartoon that is nearly 20 years old but I still feel it should be pointed out that girls should not dwell on their weight like this. I know there are shows that even now do this for both girls and boys and it should stop because if they begin to aim to look like a cartoon character then all hope is lost for the future!