Christmas Time is Here

I started off my Christmas excitement with an episode of Glee that, as always, made me cry tears of joy and some sadness. There are currently only three more days until the start of my Christmas vacation with the hubster. Christmas in Kentucky will be a beautiful thing. I've got my bag packed already, in very me like fashion. As anyone who has ever seen me prepare for vacation knows, I am always packed a week in advance. This time it wasn't as preemptive if only because most of my winter clothes consist of the same four pairs of pants and socks. But I am still ready to go! Ready for baking with my momma-san whom I adore. Ready to look at houses in preparation for the big move next year. Ready to go sledding down the hill on the 100 acres of Pop Pop Bruce's land. Ready to have my husband, free of work calls and emails, for an entire week. And ready to enjoy a nice 10 hour road trip with my Piglet and our babies. This will be my first Christmas away from my family. It is weird that I wont see them, wont get drunk with my cousins and say naughty things that still dont make it weird at Christmas. I wont get into a mini food fight with my brother that ends in one of my aunts reprimanding us. Christmas hasnt always been the same for me, year after year. My parents separated, causing me to see them both on different days. My mother sold her house, and other people hosted our Christmas Eve family get together. I had boyfriends who I spent Christmas Day with. But I was always with my family, and so this year will be very different for me. I know that next year, even after we move, I will come back to New York for Christmas, because then it will be the only time I am able to visit. It's a sad thing to think, and a sad reality, but things change, this change must happen. My Sal gave me the saddest look when I told him I wouldnt be home for Christmas. We never really spent any of it together, usually just a quick hour or so of time with one another, but we always see each other. For the better part of 8 years we always saw each other for Christmas. This year it will have to wait.

And a side note about darling Sal. He is most likely the weirdest, and best part of my life. An ex boyfriend with whom I have a very odd relationship. We've hurt each other in many terrible ways over the years. Through high school and through adult hood. We loved each other so much it seemed like we would never be apart. We've hated each other so much we thought we would never speak again. We settled on a semblance of friendship knowing we would always be with one another in some way. While we pick on each other in a mix of sibling and marital bickering, we have a way with each other that even my husband and I dont have. I'll yell at Sal and tell him where to go, how to get there and how long to stay there. He'll get pissed at me and tell me how much he hates me some days. I ignore his idle threats because after the hundredth time of him saying it, I just stopped listening. I know that no amount of my bitching will ever truly make him hate me, because it just isnt in our capacity to live without the other. I have a memory of him coming to a family BBQ of sorts and being greeted by my aunt. Of course knowing him since I was thirteen means he has met my family, but some only once or twice. Having my aunt greet him with the words 'Hi baby' like he was just another one of her nieces or nephews made me realize how big a part of my life he really is. How he isnt just part of me, but a part of my family.

Christmas just wont be the same without my family.