Home Is Where My Husband Should Be

I do not live with my husband.
When I tell most people this they look at me as if I have suddenly grown eight heads and they are all speaking a dead language. I wont tell you which cause that would ruin the surprise.
For almost a year now my husband and I have been together, we have only been married eight months. I have tried and tried again to be with my husband and each time something gets in my way, friends, family, money, its all shit. I want my husband and I am sick of waiting. No person would ever ask this of anyone, if they truly cared about them, even if they didnt, you just simply dont. The expectations of some are insane. To think that I would willingly stay separated from my husband for the entire first year of our marriage.
Would you ask that of anyone you know? For your own personal reasons?
Would you ask someone to sacrifice their first year together as man and wife?
To simply give up all those wonderful 'firsts' they are meant to experience together?
We do not know if we will live to see tomorrow and I want to know who can knowingly be so selfish as to take what may be a persons last and only day to be one with their partner.
My husband says to me that we will have other firsts once we live together but for now I forfeit all of our first memories to make other people happy.
My final question is, how do they feel they can make up what is forever lost to us?
To hell with you all.

I Miss You Cupcake

My husband has taken my laptop. My way on interacting with my online family. I do have another computer, this computer I am using right now but it doesn't feel like my computer therefore I do not have the urge to run to it and divulge all that is in my mind. Hopefully I will have my laptop back soon and be able to feel whole once more. Its amazing how the difference in whats yours and someone else things mean to you. How they affect you. Why do I have such a problem writing on this computer? It has the same internet, a keyboard and all the major amenities, but it does not have my information. It does not have my bookmarks, my history or documents. Without those simple things we take for granted, I am lost. For now this is the best I can do, but it is not my best only a mediocre version of my true self.

I Give Jennifer Love Hewitt Props!

That girl can sing. I know its probably really late seeing as how she hasnt done anything in years but I guess like everyone I was skeptical to take her serious as an artist. Not sure how great all of her songs are, Im sure some lack cause hey no everyone can make the greatest album of all time (STP can of course) but she does have some really sweet songs. Top fave has to be Take My Heart Back and I'm Gonna Love You, if no one told you it was her you'd say 'Hey this is a really nice song.' Knowing it was her I still listened to a few of her songs and was impressed at her singing abilities I did not know she had it in her and I am very proud of her for putting herself out there.

Also with that have to say she is definitely a great role model for girls simply for the fact that she is a normal looking woman. She has a full bodied figure and doesn't hide it or try and change that. My husband may say she's a shitty actress but I still watch Ghost Whisperer when it comes on because in today's world she is way better than the so called 'actresses of today'. Go J. Love!

A Change Will Do You Good

Change is necessary in life for all. I have currently gone through what some consider a significant change. No I am not talking about my married to my husband, over 6 months by the way thank you very much. The change I have recently made is leaving my less than perfect job. It has been close to a year and a half that I worked at this place and in that time I made lots of friends, had good times, and bad, went through immense stress, worked hellish hours and made lots of money. Like most things though it had to come to an end and I chose to do it on my terms. I sent in my two weeks notice and the deed was done. But the story doesn't end there, oh no, there's more. My boss obviously did not like that I had take the initiative and of course the glory of firing me, away from me. So he decided he would just 'end things now'. I was told I would receive two checks, one for last week and one for this week, one which I have not worked yet. I would not be required to show up for work this week just simply pick up my check and part ways. Some may say I was fired I say I resigned and he just put a definite date on it.

Now as I continue on in life I am venturing out to find a new job, and a new place to live out part of my day's, and of course make sick money. My first job interview is tomorrow so wish me luck but for now I am enjoying being unemployed and free of that burden, even if it is only for a day.

Mile Cyrus=Idiot

I just have to say one thing about all these stupid scandals based upon this idiot teenager. She is a teenager. What she fails to realize is she is not a NORMAL teenager. Unlike the rest of us the pictures we think are fun and harmless with our friends can be used against her and her career. Is it unfair? Hell yes. But she knew this going in that every move she made would be criticized so the fact that she is taking such a childish route and ignoring the facts is her own damn fault. She deserves every insult and all the speculation made up about her. It is through no fault but her own what happens when pictures like those get into the wrong hands, you don't want people to tear every bit of your life apart then stay out of the lime light and leave it to the pro's. All I have to say is the only ones who are really affected by this are the millions of little girls who will grow up to think this kind of behavior is what they should do. She is supposed to be a role model and instead is acting like an insolent little girl who just suddenly realized what she got herself into and is now rebelling against the role she set out for herself instead of embracing the amazing chance she has to set good morals and values for the youth to come. I weep for her because like so many others she has failed as a role model and she has failed herself.

Is It Me Or Does The Internet Suck Right How?

For some reason it seems every website, server and internet connection is just going to hell. First the internet at my house was in the fritz and had to be unplugged and reset. Then Firefox has its head up its ass and is crashing every time I blink. Now Facebook is just all over the place, 'Reload this page' 'Redirect here' but don't get me started on them cause they have been on my bad side for a long, long time. Now mind you I know what a lot of people may think, well maybe its just my computer, but its not! I use a minimum of 4 computers, 2 desktop PC's, 1 laptop PC and 1 desktop Mac in three separate locations of Brooklyn. So trust me when I say, it isn't me. The sweet and simple fact is that the internet has grown to big for its creators to keep up, kind of like the myth about the brain of a Doberman. Their brain keeps getting bigger and their skull is already as big as its going to get. The Dobe's brain cant stop growing though and eventually its brain starts to press in against the skull and make the Doberman go insane. I am slowly but surely going insane because my internet DOESN'T WORK! Don't worry though, that myth about the Doberman isn't true. They are like any other dog, the brain stops growing same as the skull but it was a nice excuse as to why so many of them were aggressive, as opposed to the real reason which is abusive treatment. But that's a topic for another post.

Inspiration

Inspiration is the key to any and all creations, be it writing, music, food, construction. Everything that you see around you from the house you live in to the clothes you were was inspired by something. For an author when inspiration hits you can usually find the source of it within their writing.
I am currently read a book called Interred with Their Bones by Jennifer Lee Carrell. Just from the cover of the book you can see what her inspiration was. The reason I bring up such an obvious display of inspiration is because of how well she displays it. This doesn't just mention Shakespeare, it doesn't just throw in some quotes from Hamlet and Julius Caesar that any person who even glanced at Shakespeare could know. She goes above and beyond to research and weave into her story the life and history of Shakespeare and his work. He is her Muse.
For writers there is always a muse, a source that sparks that notion and begins the process of a story forming in your mind. It could be a word, a sound, a smell or even a picture and suddenly your brain is working overtime to create this place where anything they desire can happen. But to the writer not just anything can happen, to us this place really does exist and we don't have any real control over it we're just the person relaying the facts for those who have never heard of this place.
One of my favorite authors J.R. Ward when she speaks of her characters they are real to her they have minds and voices of their own she only shares with us what they have told her. To a person who isn't a writer you would think she is insane but to a writer you can understand, you relate to her feelings. You know what its like to have these people in your head one talking over the other all trying to get their story heard and the only choice you have is to write it down and pass it on so that they can finally quiet and let you rest.