Christmas Time is Here

I started off my Christmas excitement with an episode of Glee that, as always, made me cry tears of joy and some sadness. There are currently only three more days until the start of my Christmas vacation with the hubster. Christmas in Kentucky will be a beautiful thing. I've got my bag packed already, in very me like fashion. As anyone who has ever seen me prepare for vacation knows, I am always packed a week in advance. This time it wasn't as preemptive if only because most of my winter clothes consist of the same four pairs of pants and socks. But I am still ready to go! Ready for baking with my momma-san whom I adore. Ready to look at houses in preparation for the big move next year. Ready to go sledding down the hill on the 100 acres of Pop Pop Bruce's land. Ready to have my husband, free of work calls and emails, for an entire week. And ready to enjoy a nice 10 hour road trip with my Piglet and our babies. This will be my first Christmas away from my family. It is weird that I wont see them, wont get drunk with my cousins and say naughty things that still dont make it weird at Christmas. I wont get into a mini food fight with my brother that ends in one of my aunts reprimanding us. Christmas hasnt always been the same for me, year after year. My parents separated, causing me to see them both on different days. My mother sold her house, and other people hosted our Christmas Eve family get together. I had boyfriends who I spent Christmas Day with. But I was always with my family, and so this year will be very different for me. I know that next year, even after we move, I will come back to New York for Christmas, because then it will be the only time I am able to visit. It's a sad thing to think, and a sad reality, but things change, this change must happen. My Sal gave me the saddest look when I told him I wouldnt be home for Christmas. We never really spent any of it together, usually just a quick hour or so of time with one another, but we always see each other. For the better part of 8 years we always saw each other for Christmas. This year it will have to wait.

And a side note about darling Sal. He is most likely the weirdest, and best part of my life. An ex boyfriend with whom I have a very odd relationship. We've hurt each other in many terrible ways over the years. Through high school and through adult hood. We loved each other so much it seemed like we would never be apart. We've hated each other so much we thought we would never speak again. We settled on a semblance of friendship knowing we would always be with one another in some way. While we pick on each other in a mix of sibling and marital bickering, we have a way with each other that even my husband and I dont have. I'll yell at Sal and tell him where to go, how to get there and how long to stay there. He'll get pissed at me and tell me how much he hates me some days. I ignore his idle threats because after the hundredth time of him saying it, I just stopped listening. I know that no amount of my bitching will ever truly make him hate me, because it just isnt in our capacity to live without the other. I have a memory of him coming to a family BBQ of sorts and being greeted by my aunt. Of course knowing him since I was thirteen means he has met my family, but some only once or twice. Having my aunt greet him with the words 'Hi baby' like he was just another one of her nieces or nephews made me realize how big a part of my life he really is. How he isnt just part of me, but a part of my family.

Christmas just wont be the same without my family.

The Print Edit

While Stumbling around online I found this Blog by a book editor. They gave a few tips on how to improve editing your own work and prepping it for submission. Some information about how to write was a little too specific in that it left no room for a difference of opinion. I had later stumbled on excerpts from Stephen Kings book on writing and he gave almost the exact opposite opinion on how to write a book. Mostly the debate was over plotting, sticking to your plot and also how often you should be writing. I felt torn because it is true the editor is the one reading it and approving it. On the other hand though, Stephen King has written a great many book, all the same way, and I feel if anyone would know the best way to get out a great story, it would be him. But I digress, that is not the reason for this post.

The reason for this post is that I did agree with a lot of the other advice and information provided on editing a book. The editor, whose name I do not mean to forget, suggested printing out your novel or work in the format it would be sent for a submission. Once it is printed out, edit it for grammar, plot holes and all around story development. It is true that when writing and editing on a computer you have too much temptation to just scroll past a section or skip down when something strikes you. When its in your hands, ready to be nipped and tucked its so much easier. You can cross out a line or a word and if you decide later to put it back in its not lost because you deleted it from the computer. Having the page there lets you see how many times you've used the word 'I' or 'Well'. I know I often repeat words, mostly because I go back and forth with writing and if I dont re-read the section before it, I dont know what word's I have already overused. On top of it all I find that when I look from one chapter to the next I see that perhaps there should be a better segue, that maybe there was more information I could have provided. On the bottom of the paper I make a note to myself to fix this issue. Its much harder to do this on the computer and I feel you have a better chance of skipping over it while scrolling, simply because you didnt see it.

I would never advise doing this on something you havent already looked over and developed a solid story line. It shouldn't be a story that you may add another 30-40 pages to. The one thing all writing adviser's have agreed upon is, writing the story first and worrying about editing later. When you dwell on perfect spelling, sentence structure, hell even plot structure, you risk stifling your creativity and developing writers block. Focusing solely on getting the story out is your main concern. Once everything is in place and the story feels finished, then print it out and find out that you made Tom the vampire 100 years old one minute and 200 the next. Theyre quick, simple fixes, but if dwelt upon while writing it could throw you off course and cause you to forget that great scene you were just writing.

I will say this about the print edit though, it is not fun. I know for me once I read my stories I dont often feel like re-reading them right away. Printing it out and going over every word right after writing it is the last thing I want to do. Some writers suggest putting the print edit away for a month and coming back with a clear head. Others say to force it and push through while the story is still fresh in your mind. Ultimately, your print edit will look like my 5th grade math test- littered with red pen corrections and notes from the teacher. Something along the lines of, 'What in the hell were you thinking?' and 'This makes no sense whatsoever.' In the end, you will feel better for having corrected it yourself, and learning better editing for future writing.

Say My Name, Say My Name

Names haunt me. Sometimes more than the story itself. Names of characters, places, the book! All of it is important because these names are what readers cling to. They need a name to put the description to. They need a name to mention when talking about the book. A name ties it all together. Sure you could throw any old Tom, Dick and Harry name in there, but how boring would it be if every book had those same names over and over? Especially if Tom is a vampire, Dick is a shapeshifter and Harry is short for Harriet who is in love with both. I would definitely say that Harry should be the shapeshifter just for the comedy effect, but that's me. These god forsaken names ruin my days sometimes. Why? Because if the name doesnt fit then every time someone says it, or even when I think of it, it stifles something in me. A bad name choice can utterly ruin any interest I have in this person, place or all around book itself. Yes, a writer shouldnt dwell on a name so much because ultimately you can change it. But, sometimes, and only sometimes, the name helps you find out something you never knew before when it was just (city) or (pretty girl). I named a character Kaige. Silly, I know, took the word cage added an 'i' and swapped the 'c' for a 'k' and suddenly this inanimate object is now a sex kitten. What I didnt know when choosing this name, was how perfect it really is for her. She is a succubus who lives a life stifled by her urges, by her need to find the perfect mate. She is literally caged by her desires to the point where she has almost no free will. She may walk around and feel as though she is free to make her choices but at the end of the day she has to feed her demon or else die. Aren't we all caged in some way though? Some are just harder to see than others. 

The Early Bird Does Not Always Catch the Worm

At any given time there is a story, back story, and a shit ton of one liners floating around somewhere in my brain. I write them all down in hopes of organizing it but sometimes that just makes me more confused. Linking one odd idea to another is not always as easy as I would hope. You would think that if its in the same story I would know how to goes together. Alas, even my mind is not that maddened. Writing a story is like trying to take a crazy persons babble and forming coherent arguments out of it, its just not done. Yet, somehow it is and once you get into the flow of things all of it seems to fall so perfectly into place. Almost as if to say 'My god its so simple, how did I not see that before?' I dont do mornings. I hate waking up early, even if I do feel so accomplished by midday. When I force myself to wake up early and go to bed early I feel as though my writing suffers. My creativity is stifled by a schedule. I dont get paid for this, not really. I'm not on deadlines or under any contracts so in all honesty I can let my creativity rule me. Unlike professional writers who are led around by their publishers and forced into time contraints, I am under no pressure to complete my work, except for the characters rattling around in my brain telling me to do so. They come alive at night, with soft melodic music, usually sung my Maynard or Trent, and everything just happens.

...and you could have it all, my empire of dirt...

October Got No Love

Its true. I love October. Its the month in which my husband was born, my oldest brother, my adorable pup Bishop and of course Halloween! Its a great month and I am always excited at its arrival. I guess maybe that is why it did not get many posts because I was too busy enjoying it! Thankfully I am getting November in before it was too late. I will definitely be trying to post tomorrow to at least do it some justice. But have no doubt December, my birthday month, will be the hot money month! I will strive for at least a week worth of posts on top of some additional's throughout. I've also taken it upon myself to help out fellow writers and review their work for free. Giving not only opinion but also proper editing. It's nice to read other people's work and see their techniques blossom. I also like having a hand in helping them get better at their work just like others have done with me. Once again I am sorry October that I was so busy enjoying you that I didn't even stop to say how much I love thee. There's always next year!

Backstory is a Bitch!

While editing and adding details to 'Technicolor' I remember writing some of the back story for Leo and Linea. When first writing 'Black & White' I hadn't had any feelings towards Linea, Leo or Lina, so I could write freely. But, for those who have already read it, you know how things progress and what we discover about Linea. Upon entering 'Technicolor' though I found myself needing to delve deeper into Leo's past and that included him meeting Linea. Can I just say, that I hate this bitch? Trying to see her through his eyes back then is the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do. He is meant to be infatuated with her, to be seeing her with desire for the first time. And all I can think is 'This bitch will do nothing but hurt you the moment you let her.' I don't know how most people do this, write about people they already know are just shitty on the inside. I had to do it though, and I had to do it right. It wouldn't be fair to put my bias opinion into Leo's view of Linea. He did love her, part of him always will and it needed to be shown that she was his first love. I hope when the time comes that people can see this, but I'm sure also that if they are like me, they will love Lina and hate the back story of Linea and Leo as much as I do (and not because of my writing).

The Perfect Drug

A lot of people talk of finding their true love and having soul mates and all of that, but I wonder how many ever truly mean it.

I know that the greatest moment of happiness I ever feel is not when I kiss my husband, or make love, or any of those sexual based actions. I know that for me, when I curl up inside of his arms and as they wrap around me I bury my head into his chest and soak up his scent and his body warmth, a feeling of calm falls over me. A feeling of oneness, that- this is where I have always meant to be, this is my home. When I am pulled tight and feel how he clings to me, as his lips kiss my head and he breathes in the scent from my hair, I know that he is feeling the same as I am. That we walk through life only half of the person we should be and that until we come home at the end of the day and curl up in the arms of the one we love we never know what it means to be complete, what it means to be truly happy. When you find that perfect spot in the world, with the perfect person, everything everything falls into place but you wont even notice it because it all pales in comparison to the person you love and knowing that they are yours till the very end.

Every Little Bit Counts

I grumble and gripe that I haven't lost much weight and I dont see a difference. Every day I weigh myself and every week I measure. There is a decrease in both but for some reason I hope to see this miracle drop of inches and fat around my middle. I've lost roughly and inch all around my body and 10lbs since my horrible gain back in April. I know these results are good but its just so hard to stay positive when day in and day out I work so hard to watch the foods I eat and try to exercise and see so little happen. I know I haven't gotten a lot of exercise in lately, mostly because I came down with the flu and trust me I would have much preferred to been running this week than holed up in my apartment like some sort of quarantine science experiment gone horribly wrong. There is exactly three months till my birthday and I am only half way to my goal of being skinny once more! I haven't been under 125lb since about the age of 20. I know this because I gained quite a bit of weight while visiting my in-laws and working at Urban Organic which all ventured over the later half of my 20th year into my 21st and I left right before my 22nd. Leaving that place I was at a high of 142lb. So there is something to be happy for, yay me. I just know I wont be able to lose another 10lbs in three months. It took me five just to lose this, barely, and the closer you get to your goal the harder it is because soon you plateau. I just know I'm going to plateau soon, maybe too soon, perhaps even within the next 3lbs. I keep telling myself that I will be content just to reach 130lbs again but I know I will still gripe at myself on the inside if I never reach 125lb. Here's to hoping that the next twelve weeks will be good ones! Oh god, here come the holidays!

Sailor Moon Obsession

I have finished almost four out of the five seasons of Sailor Moon. While I do enjoy parts of the show, mostly Usagi and Mamaro, there is one issue throughout that always irked me. This is a very inspiring show for young girls. Usagi is thirteen when she first becomes a Sailor soldier and in the later seasons when her daughter Chibi-Usa comes from the future shes only about 5 or 6 years old and is also very brave and inspiring for girls. They may act childish at times and be silly girls worrying about makeup, and parties, but when it comes down to it they protect innocents and never give in. That is an amazing message to send out to girls.

The one BIG flaw I found that they sneak in little by little every here and there but can be incredibly harmful to young girls? Everytime they tell Usagi she's getting fat.

Now with this being a cartoon its hard to tell a difference in size, unless they really want you to. But from what can be seen Usagi is a very average looking girl and doesnt look overweight or even different in size than the other Sailor Soldiers. In one specific episode, Mamaro her boyfriend, in the persona of Tuxedo Mask catches her and tells her shes gained weight. You save your girlfriend from falling and all you can say is you put on some weight? This is her future husband insulting her! Another episode has her and the girls trying out for ballet. They make a point of Usagi lifting her leg and showing her side roll slightly-Heaven forbid the girl gets a curve! Later in this same episode the villain tries to kill her in a tutu that her 'fat' helps break off of her. Once the foe is defeated Tuxedo Mask tells her she should go on a diet. What does this have to do with her fighting skills? She is his future queen and mother of his child and he dwells on her eating too many sweets?

For all its inspiring and strong woman/female characters this one factor is a very big flaw. As a teen who had weight issues that have developed into adulthood I feel things like this should be corrected as we go. We worry over being politically correct but not messages we can send out to the children of the world. I am aware this is a cartoon that is nearly 20 years old but I still feel it should be pointed out that girls should not dwell on their weight like this. I know there are shows that even now do this for both girls and boys and it should stop because if they begin to aim to look like a cartoon character then all hope is lost for the future!

Role Playing

Role Playing has become a key role in my life. (Not the naughty kind you lovely pervies!) I write for three different characters on a Twitter role play as well as three other characters for a website. I devote a lot of time to them all, or at least I try to. I find my Twitter life is much easy to work with since I can use my phone to reply and post all day and night. As for the website, I am an administrator there and have worked with the site for over three years. Honestly if I could find an app for my phone that would let me post on there I'd use it in a heartbeat and flood that site with all my posts as well. It's fun to get out of your own skin and into someone else. Much like my writing I get different perspectives on how someone may respond in different situations. Some have even surprised me. With the Twitter the character is not my own creation so there are limits that even I would sometimes like to break but theyre there for a reason, even if I may not agree with it. They're definitely a good way to keep me writing and active in that world, always opening new and interesting worlds for me to explore. I would highly suggest all writers to try their hand at role playing once in a while, if only to give your mind a rest from the chaos of your own little world.

Exercise + Diet = My Life

They arent my life because I like them, more or less I like not looking like a fatty fatty boombalatty. Against my strong belief that I would never again weight over 140lbs I did manage to gain 20lbs within a year without even batting an eye. I knew it was happening. I had stepped on the scale and say 130lbs, then 135;bs. Certain clothes didnt fit, or didnt fit right, but I brushed it off and said 'Ill lose it with no problem.' The wake-up call was walking into my doctors office and having them weigh me only to find that I was now at a high of 142lbs. I nearly broke out in tears because it had been nearly 4 years since I'd weighed that much. I told myself all I had to do was eat healthy and eat less and the weight would fall of. Right? Wrong! I gained another 5lbs just by not adding exercise into my day to day. I know many people will tell you 'Eating right is all you need.' but that isnt so for everyone. I cut out so much from my diet, I hadn't drank soda or juices in years so there wasnt much in the way of drinking to cut back on. I'd mostly stayed away from processed foods or fast foods because I liked to cook and junk food was a once in a while treat, not an every meal of every day thing. So what was I doing wrong? I remembered that when I lost weight the most was working at Petland. Twelve hour days spent walking, lifting, climbing stairs and all around busting my ass for 4-5 days each week. I was getting roughly 60hrs worth of exercise just by working. When I left that job I had already lost about 20lbs. I was a nice 116lbs, for the first time since probably my elementary school days. I started working at the gym and tried to keep up with exercising and being active, although only working 3 days a week and having a desk to sit at I didn't get as much as I'd hoped. I gained roughly 5-10lbs but I believe most of it was muscle, because a lot of it went into my shoulders and arms due to lifting weights. Still I was content with 125lbs. So the answer for me was simple, the more I move the more I lose. I remembered eating plates and plates of food at that time. Two thanksgiving dinners on top of whatever else I had eaten for breakfast and lunch. It was amazing the way I could stuff my face and still stay so slim. Diet may be key to some, but exercise trumps it all for me. I've slowly gotten into walking and running, although running takes its toll on me and I can only usually do about 1 minute to 2 minutes at a time and a maximum of 10 minutes total for the night. I've lost 10lbs so far by just keeping up with my exercise but its only left me at 138lbs which is far from my goal! I still have another 18lbs to go before my birthday, although I would be content with just another 8lbs for the time. I hope to achieve this goal and rid myself of the depression that has slowly sunk into me.

Two Months?!

I'm ashamed to say that were 2/3rds of the way through the year and I have missed writing a post for the past two months. Not only that but I'm only halfway to 20 posts. Really it should not have been so hard for me to make two posts a month! I dont know if its because the blog isnt in a place on my computer that I can really see it everyday enough to think 'Hey I should post on there' or because I have been so wrapped up in my own little world the past two months that I havent had the time to dwell and write. I also haven't written much in general for the past few months and I feel like I really should get back into it as the winter months approach. I also notice that this has become a ramble of sorts and I should probably end it before it goes sour. All that I know is I should have at least 16 posts. So I have 6 more to make up before the end of this month because then I will be up to 8 posts required and I would really hate to see where I pull those out of.

All the World(I Tell Myself)

Have you ever tried to make a decision and not known who you were doing it for? The last two books I published were my own choices. 'So Contagious' was chosen because I finished it first and just wanted to try publishing. Then came 'Bring on the Night' and that I chose because it contained Black & White and I needed the feedback to see how everyone would enjoy the sequel 'Technicolor'. But now my dilemma lies in whether or not I will publish 'Technicolor', if I should publish the sequel to 'So Contagious' - 'In Too Far', or not go for the cliche sequel just yet and put out a different type of novel altogether 'Haven'. I love each one and I want to put them all out but I just cant seem to decide which would be best to go next. Part of me became discouraged when, once again, sales went nowhere for 'Bring on the Night'. But I cant deny being a writer and wanting people to enjoy my work so I will keep publishing my books if only to hold a copy of it in my hands and mine alone.

Movetime:Megamind

'Megamind' the 2010 Dreamworks film starring Will Ferrell.
Here is the synopsis given on IMDB.com :
"The supervillain Megamind finally defeats his nemesis, the superhero Metro Man. But without a hero, he loses all purpose and must find new meaning to his life."

Much like 'Despicable Me' this was an adorably cute movie but, in true Dreamworks fashion, didn't seem much for kids. There were a lot of jokes and references obviously put in there for adults and while I thank movie producers for doing this I think back to all the good Disney movies that I still rewatch and dont see the same habits. While comparing Disney to other animators isnt fair it is the truth that when I watch 'Little Mermaid' there are adults 'themes' if you will, but not so many jokes aimed towards adults. I quite enjoy the simplistic aspect of childrens movies and revel in the relaxation ones mind might experience watching one. With that said, I do not dislike Dreamworks way of incorporating adult humor, simply that I wonder why they feel they have to do as such.

'Megamind' was a very funny movie and Will Ferrell made me forget who he was for a while. Lately I have not enjoyed his movies as much, or more I find they seem to be all too similar to one another. Not seeing him in this movie helped me to truly engross myself in the film and take in its full worth. The best part of the movie was Megaminds butchery of the English language. He mispronounced most words and has successfully engrained them in my mind.
Some examples are
Metro City-Metrocity (Pronounced the same as atrocity)
Revenge-Revange (Orange)
Hello-Oolo (I couldnt even begin to explain)
School-Shool (Similar to a Jewish temple)

The reason for this was his upbringing and lack of schooling.
All in all I would give this movie a 4.5 rating. It is definitely funny, a well thought out plot, and good for the whole family.

Movietime:Safe House

This will be the first of my movie reviews, I may even get into tv shows as well, but for now just movies. I watch way too many shows that are old or ending or have just ended so it would be very scattered and I'd much rather just give comments on movies for now. I know its confusing to wonder why I would decide to give reviews on a blog devoted to my writing but....fuck it I wanna write them and you will read it!

The first on the list will be 'Safe House', Starring the ever gorgeous and devastatingly talented-Ryan Reynolds, and (this will shock and awe everyone) a not favorite actor of mine- Denzel Washington. Dont even try to argue with this, I have watched his movies and I just never enjoy them, let it go, I'm not easily swayed.

The plot of this movie originally seemed simple to me. Denzel's character is a good guy, turned bad guy. Ryan Reynolds is just hot. After nearly 10 years Denzel pops back up on the governments radar and they want him bad. Hes got secrets and they need him now! Ryan is just finishing up over a years worth of work being a 'sitter' for the safe house. After capturing Denzel, or at least thinking they 'caught' him, they bring him to Ryans safe house. After all that is the name of the movie.

Like so many movies named after a certain place in the movie, this one barely shows the place. There are two brief scenes with Ryan and his day to day loneliness within the safe house. Once they bring Denzel in, which happens within the first twenty minutes of the movie, all hell breaks loose and they have to get out. Somehow the bad guys found them and everyones dead but Ryan. Bad guys are after Denzel for the same reason the good guys want him, information. After Ryan escapes the safe house with Denzel in tow they go off on a very intense car chase.
-I'm gonna put in a side note here about this car chase. When Ryan and Denzel run out they enter onto a very crowded street where everyone is running and screaming because they have just heard gunshots. The bad guys somehow know that Ryan has Denzel even though he had shoved him in the truck before anybody saw him. To me it just seemed convenient that the bad guys knew he was the one they were after just because he sped away. I'd speed the fuck away too if I heard gun shots, I don't wanna get shot! Side note end.
In the midst of a very intense car chase Denzel escapes the trunk, enters the back seat and proceeds to beat the shit out of Ryan who is still driving the car they are both riding in. I don't know if he suddenly has a superman complex but I really don't think Denzel would survive going head first through a windshield at 50MPH. Once they make their escape and Ryan beats down Denzel they have to hide out.
-Oh I also forgot to mention Ryan has a girlfriend. He's of course in love with her, as every covert government agent does with random women. I swear it felt like Bourne all over again, only this chick wasnt helpful in the slightest!
I wont continue with the full on description of the movie. Partially because I don't remember a lot of it, and also because its got a lot of plot twists and turns. I knew I wasn't going to like this movie, if only for the fact that it really isnt my type of movie. You can say its because I am a girl and I dont like action movies, but I do. I just never truly enjoy 'government' based movies. Also not being fond of Denzel I didn't have a lot going for me, other than my love of Ryan Reynolds. Put simply, this movie was a hard watch. I went in expecting one thing and came out with something totally different. Denzel's bad guy character turns out to really be good, which to me seemed like a cop-out. Ryan saves the day and gets the girl. In a very unlikely situation where they both should have ended up dead they somehow escape and live happily ever after.

Ryan's acting is very impressive, especially the fight scenes. He has definitely evolved as an actor and proves time and again that he can excel at whatever role he is handed. Denzel was very believable as the badass in the beginning. Killing people and slipping through like a super spy he fit the role well. The script was more or less the issue as it seemed like they were trying so hard for suspense and fast paced story telling that they ended up making it lag and actually boring me. Although I wont put it all on the script because even a great script can be ruined by poor directing and editing.

All in all I would not recommend this movie. Out of 5 stars I give it a 2.5.Even for Ryan Reynolds fans I would suggest renting Blade Trinity and enjoying true Ryan at his best.

I hope you all enjoy this and check back for my next review- 'Megamind' Starring Will Ferrell

Buy me a pretty girlfriend!

"I asked for an island of men", "And thats why I brought you to Manhattan", "But this is a gay club", "You never specified that they had to be straight"


What is this? I dont know who this is, or what situation this is but its creepily familiar. The problem with having an ex-boyfriend who is gay and is still a huge part of your life, is that you still keep a hold of those boyfriend/girlfriend attributes. Its been 6 years since we dated and yet he stills classifies us as 'we'. Numerous boyfriends, hook-ups and one husband later and I am still his 'we'. Whats worse? I will never correct him because one of the very few constants in my life is him. He is one of my best friends, he is a pain in my ass and for a time he was the love of my life. Things change, people grow but through it all we have stayed the same. He influences a lot of my work and I'm sure this is just another one of his ways of creeping into my life. I don't know what this is just yet but I am sure I will find out soon enough.

Skinny Love

When the coffee drains.....
The reason I don't drink coffee is simply this, the after effect.
I go from so high, to so low. Jittery and giggly to tired and sluggish.
Why would you want to feel this way every day?
Save yourself the trouble and simply sleep.
Enjoy the brain function your body allots you and then say 'Goodnight, Gracie'
As I sit with a batty brain and tired frame, of mind,
I attempt to write and fail each time.
I believe this has become a poem of sorts and before I start to rhyme each word,
Its too late for that. I give up this pathetic attempt at creativity.

Progress

The updated progress of my resolutions is as follows-Regarding my exercise and better eating I have kept with it. Except for a week where I was knocked down with the flu and ate nothing but macaroni and cheese simply because its what I craved, I have been very healthy and active. Sometimes walking 3-4 miles in one trip. Although I would like to hit the gym with my best friend Daihana to get a real workout in I am currently satisfied walking my doggy Bishop for an hour and getting us the exercise we both desperately need.

As for my writing, that has taken a sudden pause if only because inspiration hasnt struck in a while. I've been on a television kick for the time, but I feel as that phase will pass soon enough. Now while I havent been writing as much as I would have liked I am still editing my works, as well as other peoples.

Lastly I have no been successful in finding a job if only because I lack some of the more elaborate qualifications some employers require. While its one thing to ask for a degree I sometimes find it odd when they request for you to be fluent in Cantonese or Creole. I do understand this is New York City and we are quite diverse but sometimes you lose out on a very good potential employee by having such strict specifications. Nevertheless I am sure I will find something soon, like I always do.

I am hopeful that I will be back to write more and have other exciting and interesting things to post about, until then, ta!

Epic Fail?

So for the most part I didnt really start any of my resolutions until this month. A few days ago I started exercising again. Although I cant get down on myself too much because I did start eating healthy almost immediately. After a trip to the doctor I found I weigh a shocking 142lbs. For me that is close to the heaviest I have ever been, the most was 145lb back in high school and even then it wasn't flattering. Everyone says they cant see it and I look good but the problem isnt just looking good, its feeling good. I feel fat and sluggish. I have issues with my clothes since I had to buy a new pair of fat jeans. Thankfully the winter helped me hide it but with summer coming I do enjoy shorts and a belly shirt, as well as plentiful trips to the beach. I cut back on sweets, white bread, take out and anything else artificial or processed. Ive been making desserts for myself because I find denying myself EVERYTHING I enjoy will only anger my body and cause me to binge in excess. I have come to love different things that are good for me like Soy milk, Almond Milk, Coconut Milk, Coconut Manna, Raw Honey, Agave Nectar (Which Hubby greatly enjoys now too!) and tons of other new foods and concoctions! While I do still eat takeout once a week or every other week and have a grilled cheese every now and then I find I like my fresh fruits and veggies and home cooked meals more than anything else. I dont feel stuffed or bloated after eating them, if anything I feel happy knowing I ate something good and my body enjoys it as well. As for exercise I know once I get into a good regimen my body will kick start back into a good metabolic flow. Ill shed pounds quick so long as I stick with it, so lets hope I do.

As for my writing I have been keeping up every now and then. I actually went back to some older stories I had only started and didn't give any real structure. Sometimes when I'm in a rut I find its best to go to the most underdeveloped stories where I have the most freedom instead of ones that are so structured already I don't have much room for creativity. There comes a point in writing where the fun stops because your characters are on their path and even you cant just change it on a whim. Sometimes in life we need whims to keep our minds going, otherwise we fall into a boring, tiresome, void of nothing.

Lastly for work I have been babysitting since November, and while its only one day a week I still make pretty good money. I had gone back to Urban for a few months at the beginning of the year, mostly because Tiffany asked me to. She and I both left at the same time because the stress just got to be too much for all the wrongs reasons. There is work related stress and then there is stupidity related stress. Ours was brought on by stupidity, of someone who supposedly didn't even work there. At the moment my search for a job is on hold simply because hubby will be taking time off work and we would like to enjoy some much needed time together as well as a vacation away.

The other highlight of my new year is one I didnt make a resolution about but have been wanting for some time. Ive started eating healthy and exercising for one very big reason, besides looking good in a bikini. We are trying to get pregnant. I have been taking my vitamins, cutting back on junk and alcohol almost completely, except for a beer or two on St Patty's Day. I found these two great teas that are meant to help with infertility in both men and women and they taste pretty good too! I feel as though with this goal in mind as well I will try and stick with my healthy lifestyle more because its not just about me anymore, its about my family.

Failure

I failed. I did not reach my goal, but this was something I had been aware of from the start. I also did not divulge my New Years Resolutions like I said I would, so let me do that now.

1.Exercise to lose weight and feel better.
I really need to lose weight because a little extra is ok but too much can be harmful to your health and I have diabetes that runs in the woman of my family to worry about. I also have a wardrobe full of clothes that are meant to fit someone twenty pounds lighter. I'm currently depressed and shedding some of the weight will certainly help boost my spirits. A large part of this will be cutting back on bad carbs. like white bread and pasta's as well as lessening my sugar intake. This means more honey in my tea and less desserts.
2.Write more to expand my creativity and finish my novels.
I find that the more I write the more my creativity flows and the randomness increases. I become very interesting and quirky and the depth of my characters expands. Also leaving so much undone is never a good thing and I do need to complete a great many works before I can start any others.
3.Find a job that I enjoy to save money and pay off bills
My credit card is almost maxed out and my bank account is holding on my a string. Unfortunately I am so very picky about a job and I find my creativity is stunted fully when I work at a job I dislike for too long. So I would prefer something part time to pay off what I owe and then start to save so my husband and I can move but at the same time keep my time and mind open and available for writing so that way I do not have to sacrifice anything. Have my cake and eat it too, oh wait no dessert's, um, have my steak and eat it too!